Dear residents of Westport,

I need to raise a very sensitive topic.

Please don’t be alarmed or offended. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’ve realised we are in the middle of a drought. And upon further investigation, I’ve realised it’s much more serious than first thought.

Unlike the extreme weather patterns of Australia, where one minute there’s flooding and the next minute the earth is parched… we don’t even have the luxury of a smattering of light rain on this issue.

Nope, we have a full on drought here.

There is a full on sexy drought in Westport.

You heard that right. A sexy drought.

It’s become clear to me that Westport is not the sexiest place to live. We have NO, that’s zero, zilch, nil, nada… decent lingerie shops in Westport. None.

In Westport our minds are on other things. More important things, like the Holcim demolition, Waste to Energy, the Kawatiri Coastal Cycle Trail, ban 1080, coastal erosion, jobs, a lack of off-season employment, a lack of workers at other times of year, the cost of petrol and groceries. It’s been a tough few years for our community and Westport is all about being practical.

We need to be rugged up, as warm as toast, in sensible night wear for the long cold winter ahead. We need night attire that can also double as day wear for the more daring of our residents who sometimes venture out to the dairy or the supermarket to grab supplies. And with that thought firmly plastered forefront of your mind, it’s no wonder our residents are not racing around sporting a lot of satin and lace.

However, as amusing as that may sound, this is no laughing matter. You see, I wasn’t even looking for sexy lingerie. I actually just stumbled onto this problem of mammoth proportions after heading into town to buy a nice satin or silky night shirt to replace my well-worn tattered oversize tee that now needs a new home as a duster.

And there was not a scrap of cute or silky to be found.

Even Postie Plus – our salvation and one stop store for everything from leggings, jeggings, bras, undies, dresses, formal, casual and active wear, fell well short of the mark. All their nightwear was either polar fleece, cotton over sized tees or flannelette.

Hey I’m not wanting a kinky number or anything like that… but this just makes me feel so sad. I’m feeling sorry for myself and I’m feeling even sorrier for the population of Westport. We need more colour, sparkle and shiny things in our lives!

So, please help me out with this one…

  • If someone needs their fix of pretty, where do they go?
  • Has online shopping killed retail therapy in its original form?
  • Is it Nelson or Christchurch, or are there options in Greymouth?
  • Are we living in the least sexy town in New Zealand?

And finally, just a general question to anyone who might feel like answering; what lengths would you go to, to find a decent lingerie shop?

Perhaps there’s an opportunity for someone entrepreneurial to set up a tastefully done R18 shop in this town.

Peaches and Cream… Any takers?